I’ve moved!

April 13, 2012 at 2:03 pm (Uncategorized)

Come visit me at aleanan.blogspot.com



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Got the Life

April 10, 2012 at 9:36 am (Uncategorized)

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17

Korn. The band I listened to during the darkest years of my life (which weren’t that dark in retrospect). Jonathan with his bagpipes and kilt, Head with his long hair, Fieldy with…well his bass, guitarist Munky and former drummer David Silveria. I would write the band’s and members name in whiteout on my black cloth trapperkeeper.


Their dark, rebellious lyrics attempted to fill a void within me. I mainly listened to them because the people I hung around listened to them. I was a follower. Jonathan’s angry, low-pitched, violent vocals were something I could latch onto.

When I became a Christian, I stopped listening to them, favoring bands like Zao, POD, Chrome Donuts and Stretch Armstrong.

In 2005, after 12 years of playing with the band, Brian “Head” Welch left. He left to follow Christ. In a radio interview with The Full Armor of God Broadcast Head explained his leaving, “I was walking one day, just doing my Rock and Roll thing making millions of bucks, you know success and everything, addicted to drugs and then the next day I had a revelation of Christ and I was like, everything changes right now.”

A man that was addicted to alcohol, meth, xanax and other drugs; a man that was addicted to the world – to fortune and fame; a man that was completely broken, laid everything down to follow Christ.

Now, Head knows what his purpose is, “He put me on earth to have fellowship and intimacy with him. I am going to spend as much time as I can possibly spend getting to know Him…I don’t want to waste any time, I’ve wasted enough time. That’s what I am put on earth to do…let Him fill me with the Spirit so that He can do the work by bringing people into the Kingdom.” (CBN)

I was taken by Head’s brutal honesty of how he came to know Christ, view his testimony here:

A few months ago, I heard that Fieldy also turned his life over to Christ. What was happening? What IS happening to this band named Korn that I used to know? Christ was/is revealing himself to one of the biggest bands in nu rock.

In an interview, Fieldy said, “All you gotta know is what Jesus did for you…and if you ask him into your heart, it’s for life. He is going to be with you forever.” (CBN)

While Fieldy has stayed in the band and Head has stepped away, they are both ministering to the people who need it most, to the people who Christ himself ministered to: the unloved and those who are deemed unloveable. Their faith speaks volumes about Christ’s love, forgiveness and grace. Nothing is too big, too bad, too abhorrent that Christ won’t forgive you.

Easter Sunday, while sitting around a table talking to a few of my “in-laws” (cousins and aunt/uncle), we got on the topic of Christ’s death. Not only that he died, but that he took every sin on himself. That he lived the sin and that God’s cup of wrath was taken from us by Christ. Christ drank of the cup, the bitter, hot cup of infidelity and shame. Of murder and lust. Of sin. Of my sins.

Oh, the height and depth of mercy!
Oh, the length and breadth of love!
Oh, the fullness of redemption,
Pledge of endless life above!
So take the world, but give me Jesus.

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The One About Running

April 9, 2012 at 11:14 am (Uncategorized)

Seeing as how there’s 32 more days until the “big” day, I thought I would give a quick update post.
When I started running with the Run for God program at Riverland Hills Baptist Church, I honestly didn’t think I would stick with it.

Here is the thing: I have a tendency of starting things with the full intention of finishing and somewhere along the way I lose interest, I get preoccupied with other things or I just quit for no reason. The $75 price tag for this program (which includes a nice running t-shirt, book and registration for the Get in the Pink race) helped in the way of sticking with it.

Over the past 7 weeks, I have gone from not being able to run 60 seconds without sounding like all the air in the world was gone to being able to run two 8-minute intervals without getting too winded. For some of you this doesn’t seem a big deal, but for me it is huge. This week we jump to a 20-minute run. While I am nervous, I know that this program is designed for people like me and I trust that by the end of this week I will be running the full 20-minutes. I have run in the rain (which I recommend everyone do at least once in their lives), in freezing cold and in the stifling Columbia heat.


I started this program not knowing anyone besides my friend Brooke who is training separately in the 10k group. At first, I didn’t mind the solitude. I actually liked running by myself so I could huff and puff and pant as loud as I wanted to without feeling embarrassed. But with anything, there needs to be a sense of community. During one of the first weeks, I met a woman named Robin and got to know her story. The following weeks I met Diane and Joan. Strong women of all ages that I could run beside and be encouraged by. It has made all the difference.

I didn’t realize that I needed someone beside me saying, “You can do it! We are almost there!” Followed by high fives, smiles and laughing after the whistle blows.

So that is where I am at. At a place where running isn’t so bad. At a place where I am getting healthier. At a place where I am not feeling so lazy.

I still don’t like getting up at 7:30 on Saturday to run. I still don’t like the occasional pain of my sciatic nerve. But at the end of the day (or mid morning), when I take off my running shoes and peel off my sweaty t-shirt. I feel good. I feel rejuvenated and I feel alive.

Side note: I also feel as if I would be safe in the event that a Zombie Apocalypse occurred. Just saying.

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Dear Lord Volde:

April 5, 2012 at 4:09 pm (Uncategorized)

Dear Lord Voldemort,

                Seven months ago, we lost you. You were a mere eight weeks along, just beginning to have little fingers, toes and eyelids. You were the size of a kidney bean.  You were my kidney bean.

                You would have joined us on the outside very soon (if not already). Long since, we would have known if you were a boy or a girl and more than likely we wouldn’t still be calling you Lord Voldemort. (Though I am pretty sure your Auntie Katelyn would have held on to the nickname and embarrassed you at high school graduation by yelling it out for all to hear.)

                It is hard to let go, to know that I should be big and pregnant with swollen feet, feeling you kick and squirm inside, ready to come out and see the world. Imagining what names we would have come up with and the colors of your nursery. Would you have green eyes like me? Or brown like your daddy? Would you have the Haltom bump on your nose? A ruddy complexion? Long fingers and toes?

                Would you be a book worm, an athlete or both? Would you play t-ball or soccer? Dance or play piano? And the most important question: would you like Carolina or Clemson?

                One thing is for sure, you would have been smart. I imagine reading to you, praying with and for you, playing with you, creating with you. However, one thing that I don’t think about is having to change your diaper.

                I think of you often, every time I see a pregnant soon-to-be mommy or a little baby, when I talk to my friends who are pregnant or have babies of their own. I usually smile at your memory, at the joy that you brought during those few weeks that we knew about you. Sometimes there is a bitterness that creeps up especially when I see or hear people complaining about motherhood or those who choose to not have their babies.

                But you were here, even if you were only a whisper. You were real. You had a life, no matter how short and for that life I rejoice. Ultimately, you are His. For that life I am grateful.  You gave us new titles, that of Mommy and Daddy. We will tell your brothers and sisters about you and one day we will see you.

“You should know…
That your days here changed everything.
You are missed here and will always be
But you left here. The greatest gift of all.
Cause our hearts ache for home…”

~Home by Nicol Sponberg

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November 9, 2011 at 12:29 am (Thoughts, Uncategorized)

There is nothing, absolutely nothing, more beautiful than being on top of the clouds with a mid-fall sunset shining down on them.
I have seen beautiful things in my 26 years of life. The ocean, stretching as far as the eye can see. Sunsets so colorful that you are sure Crayola would have to create brand new colors to capture them. My sister growing up. My best friend’s pregnant tummy.
But the clouds from an airplane’s view – the valleys and rounded mounds like mountains of the sky- are untouchable in their beauty.

It would be easy to forget that they are merely water vapor and step out onto them thinking you would be enveloped by the softest fibers on earth – only to fall through, tumbling down through the mist and light.
It breaks my heart that I can’t play among the clouds. Skipping from one to the other. Cupping the matter in my hands and throwing it in the air for it to fall back down. Lying in the cradle of comfort with the one I love while he plays with my hair.

It’s a shame.

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Random thoughts for a Thursday

October 6, 2011 at 12:48 pm (Uncategorized)

I haven’t had much to blog about lately. Joseph and I celebrated our one year anniversary, quietly and simply.
My mom is dealing with the remnants of thyroid cancer. She starts radiation in two weeks and she is so exhausted. It is hard to be 2.5 hours away. I can’t help her, clean for her, cook for her. I can’t get the things she needs. Luckily, she has my dad and has had him for 32 years.
I find myself having jealousy issues towards those who are pregnant and/or have babies. I would have been twelve weeks this week but my baby never got “out of the woods”.
On the other hand, we are now free to do as we please, travel, sleep in and not worry about another life. This brings about the issue of selfishness. Deep down, I want to continue being selfish, to not bring a baby into the mix because it’s hard, tiring and completely changes your life. When you are someone who likes order and control, it is hard to think about losing that control.
Outside, the weather is fickle. Cold, warm, hot. Cold, warm, hot. Forever changing in what people call Indian Summers.
But it is time for bon fires, marshmallows and cider (or apple pie moonshine). It is time to pull out the sweaters but not yet time to put summer clothing away.
I find myself missing those I love so dearly. So much that my heart aches. I miss my mom and dad, I miss my sister, Katelyn, I miss my best friend, Vanessa.
I am missing out on their lives. Facebook can only do so much.

Anyway. Go listen to William Fitzsimmons.

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Dallas/Oklahoma here I come!

September 15, 2011 at 5:57 pm (Uncategorized)

In a little over a month I will be hopping on a plane and heading to the midwest where people dress in cowboy boots and ten gallon hats. Right?
Well, maybe not…
I will be flying into Dallas where I will be picked up by the gorgeous Vanessa. After a night on the town (which will probably involve a virgin drink for her and a spiked beverage for myself) we will head to Lawton, Oklahoma.

Some things I want to do in Dallas:

I would like to visit the flight museum…I think it would be awesome.

Of course I have to visit the Dallas Cowboys Stadium since they are my dad’s favorite football team! http://stadium.dallascowboys.com/

Some things I want to do while in Oklahoma:

Sing the entire score of Oklahoma!:

Just kidding…

I do want to relax and visit with Vanessa, Rory and Lana. By the time I go out there, Vanessa will be 34 weeks pregnant so i am sure we will spend a lot of time chatting over coffee (well at least I’ll be dirnking coffee) and watching chick-flicks while eating popcorn and tons of chocolate…because you know Baby Lana has to have chocolate.

The National Cowboy Museum…don’t ask. I like Will Rogers, what can I say?http://www.nationalcowboymuseum.org/

And of course, the site of the Oklahoma City Bombing.    http://www.oklahomacitynationalmemorial.org/

Are there any other places that I should see while I am there?

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A little less

September 15, 2011 at 12:40 pm (Uncategorized)

Everyday the sting of loss hurts a little less. Mainly because of the grace that our Father blesses me with everyday and the constant reminders he gives of love and restoration.

Also, the people I have been surrounded with. My husband, mom, lifegroup, family and friends.

I have learned much through the process. I learned that sometimes, I cannot grieve alone like I like to do. Sometimes the tears have to fall on someones shoulders. I was able to get a glimpse into motherhood, what it is like to care for someone so completely without ever seeing their face. 

Sometimes my hand still gravitates towards where Lord Voldemort was nestled in my tummy. And while I know that he is no longer there, I know that he has paved the way for our next little one.

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When you think you have…..

August 18, 2011 at 3:28 pm (Uncategorized)

hardwood floors underneath two inches of badly laid tile/laminate/wooden veneer, make sure to double check because more than likely, you don’t.

Exhibit A:

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Question of the day

August 3, 2011 at 8:11 pm (Uncategorized)

Why is Shark Week so revered?
It’s a complete week dedicated to one of the world’s greatest predators.
The Discover Channel shows massive amounts of shark-related video…and honestly people….you are probably watched the same sharky-shark-shark clip 100 times.
There are videos of dedicated to:
Top 10 Clips of Sharks Jumping
Top 10 Shark Attack Videos
Top 35 Great White Shark Videos
Top 10 Weird Sharks
Top 10 Videos of Sharks Riding on Unicorns.

Okay…I made that last one up. But why, oh why, is there a week dedicated to Sharks?
What about the armadillos and aardvark? Why don’t they have a week?

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