On feeling aimless

March 23, 2011 at 1:32 pm (Thoughts)

Since I was a little girl, I have dreamed of achieving something huge. Over the course of my 25 (almost 26, yikes!) years I have wanted to be a teacher (age 9), a veterinarian (age 13), a writer (age 13-present), an actress (all ages). I had dreams and aspirations but I never mapped out a plan to get there. I always fielded life as it came to me, no matter how hard it was hit or fast it came at me.

I decided on my bachelor’s degree major while I was in college. Going from undeclared to business (yeah, right…me a business major) to finally my first love, English. I am so incredibly happy with the education I obtained and the things I learned through the English Department at Coastal Carolina University. I met some amazing professors (Lecouras, Albergotti, Ennis) that refined not only my writing but my way of thinking and processing. Though everything was fine and dandy in the land of English, there really aren’t exciting opportunities waiting to jump out at you.

So then I meandered to a Master’s degree in Mass Communication. Besides the friends I met through the process, I was not impressed. $30,000 worth of student loans later, here I am. Sitting at my desk, drinking a mug of coffee generously made by my loving husband (because let’s face it. He makes great coffee), doing work that has NOTHING to do with either of my degrees, wondering what I am doing with my life.

In the last four years I have obtained two degrees, married an amazing man, moved to a different city and found a job that most would kill for yet I am unimpressed. I feel mislead, confused and simply bored.

I try to think of my passions, what I am good at. I attempt to think of my dream job but all I see are visions of me on a beach with a radio and a fruity drink.

So what will satisfy? Becoming a mother? Traveling to a different country? Learning a new hobby? Writing a book, perhaps?

All sound amazing. All seem to be sparkly and pretty on the outside. I know, however, that each of the things above, all of my aspirations are temporary. They would bring impermanent satisfaction only to leave me wanting more. Needing more.

So what brings satisfaction? Happiness? Accomplishment?

I think I know.

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5 Comments

  1. Becky said,

    I think you’re pretty brave to write this, and I have shared these same sentiments. I think you can do it all, honestly. If you really want to travel the world, write a book, have kids, and do a ton of other stuff – you can do all those things. But ultimately, I think a lot of this questioning is rooted in the fact that we’re all starting to realize that time is not slowing down for us at all. There’s a very real sense of having to “pack five lifetimes into one,” so to speak. That’s just my take.

  2. Aaron H said,

    If you love English, maybe becoming an educator would be a good option. You could share your love of the language with students, while fostering their interest in it as well.

  3. Beth said,

    DO tell the secret!?!?!?!?! I think I know the answer as well, just how to obey is hard part!
    Being satisfied where we are? Pray tell if you figure it out!

  4. Kim said,

    Delayed response (I’ve been a little behind).. But I love these three latest posts.. (and I truly wish I new some great classics to recommend!!)… This post in particular I love bc it’s the cry of all our hearts if we’re brave enough to acknowledge it!! I just re-read the book The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson (avail. at the library.. Bonus!:) .. It’s a few years old, but I think it’s a sweet balance between Him being our soul’s satisfaction AND pursuing & fulfilling our God-ordained dreams.. Seriously good stuff… Maybe check it out if you get a chance!! 🙂

  5. Rich said,

    stumbled onto this after searching googly for “feeling aimless”.

    minus the a. degrees b. gender, we might be on the same / similar page.

    Even the ocean factors in for me…when I envision myself being happy.

    here’s to each of us “figuring life out”

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