Engaged x2

June 8, 2010 at 3:55 pm (Wedding)

I have been waivering on writing this post as it can be a little touchy but I believe the issue to be more common than most of us think.

I was previously engaged. Before I met my wonderful Joseph, I had a lapse in judgement and became engaged to someone that I knew was not right for me.

“Why?” you ask? Honestly, I don’t know. I do know that I felt like it was the right thing to do. I was 22 and felt like I was getting to the age where people get married and have children. I was behind and needed to catch up. I felt as if I was being pressured to get married.

Once the ring was on my finger everything felt wrong. The ring was a huge shackal pulling my heart and body down. A huge cloud hung over me and there was nothing I could do to shake it. I tried lying to myself, telling myself that I was trying to sabotage my happiness: that he was, in fact, the one for me. I tried rationalizing the situation in my head. That I would learn to be happy with him. I felt trapped, as if there were nothing I could do. I saw my life and how unhappy I would be.

Then, I got up the courage to break off the engagement. Everyone was furious. My family. His family. Him. Everyone except me. I felt free. I knew the instant I gave back the ring that it was the right decision and now, more than ever, I know that it is true.

So, now I am engaged again. How do I feel? Elated. Joyful. Grateful. This is how being engaged is supposed to feel. I am excited about marrying Joseph. There is a freedom and a certainty that I didn’t expect to have. I was afraid that I would have the same “gloom and doom” feelings that I had when I was 22.

 

Source

Since then, I always wondered how I would know who the right man was. Was it a feeling? A sign? All I knew is that I didn’t, and wouldn’t, go through another engagement break-up. It was too emotional, too scarring.

As friends told me over and over, you will just know. Things will fall into place. You will have a serenity and a peace. This is how it is supposed to be. When you wait on the one that God has hand picked you just know it’s right.

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6 Comments

  1. Lisl said,

    I totally agree! I was engaged before too. Everything felt wrong; I worked too hard to “make it work”. If it’s the real deal, you’ll know. I’m still waiting to know ;o). Very happy that you now know. Love you Jess!

  2. Liz Hamilton said,

    Sometimes you don’t know how right something or someone can be until you have felt how wrong an alternative is. How could you appreciate the beauty of the light without the contrast of darkness?

    I have only been engaged once… but I have been in relationships that were horrible, and I just accepted it as that is the way things go.
    Until I met Nathan, and from the moment I met him I was so intrigued in this person, I could not spend enough time with him.

    I hope you don’t mind I am reading your blog. 🙂 I love Joseph as one of my dearest friends. He is the one who introduced me to the love of my life, and I have been praying for the right woman to bless his life for many years. Since I don’t live in the area I like learning about the person he is going to marry. I think you guys are meant to be together and pray God blesses you more and more each day.

    • aleanan said,

      I am so happy that you are reading! I honestly thought no one read it.
      You can tell how many people read your blog per day but you cant see who reads it. I figured it was my mom reading the blog a few times a day.
      Thank you so much for the encouragement!

  3. Anonymous said,

    It sounds like you’ve already learned it, but never let yourself feel like you’re “behind.” When you’re old and look back on your younger days, you’re going to be happy that you were able to spend more of your young adult life getting a feel for what’s right for you rather than rushing into things with uncertainty.

    • aleanan said,

      I agree 🙂 I feel as if I am finally ready for life’s next big step. I am at peace and know that everything is as it should be and that is such a great feeling!

  4. Roonis said,

    Girl, I’ve been there – not previously engaged, but in a committed relationship that I knew wasn’t quite right. And those are the situations where the girls separate themselves from the women. It takes a LOT of courage to say “STOP!” when everything and everyone else around you is flashing the green light. You just have to be true to yourself, in all things in life, and clearly it has worked out so well for you. When I see pics of you & Joseph, I can tell you guys really have a deep and spiritual connection to one another. You will be so happy. 🙂

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